Day Three – Florida 2015

Day three……We Visit Old Town.

I’ll start off with an exact transcript of a phone call made to the Greater Orlando City Police State Trooper Department yesterday, after we saw a fuel tanker travel onto the I4 (quite a major motorway type road running from Daytona to Tampa across the sunshine state). The said tanker had smoke billowing from its middle, and was producing a cloud behind it like a solid screen of white you couldn’t see through. Anyway, to the call…. I Dial 911…

“Hello and welcome to the Central Orlando Emergency Service hotline. We value your call and it will be recorded for training and evidential purposes. In a moment you will be directed to choose which service you require, so please have your keypad option available. Services available are Police, Fire, Paramedics, Lifeguard, Anti Terrorism Officials and Environmental and Hygiene Officers. Please press one on your keypad if you wish to continue….”
“Thank you for choosing 911 as your preferred emergency hotline. In a moment you will be directed to connect with the service you require, but before we do that, have you heard about the great deals available at Orlando Toyota? For only $99 down you can drive away in a new Camry today, with 0% finance available to the first 200 customers who visit our branches in Clermont and Lakeland today. All visitors who experience the new Camry during a test drive will receive a free gift, subject to availability.
Please choose from the following options…..if you require the Police, press 1….
Thank you for choosing the Central Florida Police Department. Please listen carefully to the following options. For your local Police sheriff, press 1. For the Environmental Unit dealing with animals and animal cruelty, press 2. For the Fraud and Robbery instant response department, press 3. For State Troopers, press 4. For matters of National Security, press 5. If you wish to be directed to Orlando Toyota, press 6….
You are being directed to the State Troopers, dealing with over 2000 miles of Florida highways. State Troopers are proud to be associated with Orlando Toyota.
“Orlando Police State Troopers can I help you?”
“Is this the Police?”

“I’m sorry Ma’am, do you require the Police?”


“Yes, can I help you”

“Basically, right,(in a Stoke on Trent accent) I onner being whatsit, but there’s a lorry going down the I4 that looks like it’s on fire”

“I’m sorry sir, do you require our fire department?”

“Dunner now, there’s a lorry going to burst into flames in a bit like…”

“Do you require our language line sir?”

“Deck it now…they’t a bloody whatsit! I conner see owt. This lorry is going go up lark”

“Stand by sir…..”

Slight pause….

“Thank you for choosing Orlando Police Department language line. Please select clearly after the tone which language you require. Gracias por elegir la línea de idiomas del Departamento de Policía de Orlando . Por favor, seleccione claramente después del tono que idioma deseado…

A language choice for me in English and Spanish. Handy…..


“You have chosen Camry, connecting you to Orlando Toyota…”

Today was taken up with a bit of mooching and a bit more eating. We ended up at Old Town to visit the old vehicles that parade up and down displaying their re built ness, and the owners, all of whom are called Hank, sitting behind their pride and joy on picnic chairs, telling passers by about the 4.2 solid block that took 18 years and 4 marriages to construct, and if you touch it I’ll have to shoot you. There are some fantastic looking old cars, perfect in every way, then there’s a 1983 Ford Sierra with a sunroof. Old Town is great…always has been, and apart from a few changes here and there, it’s still a great place to visit, for free, anytime, especially on a Saturday night…

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