Day 4 Vegas San Fran and Florida – 2016

Well, here we are. May the 18th 2016. The day of our Wedding Vow renewal, and the day I find myself up again at 5 o’clock in the morning. It’s probably the first time I’m going to have a proper rant as well. Dunner start me on tipping….

I’m actually quite up to date with stuff….you know. I know a few Arctic Monkeys albums, I know what lol means, I’m aware that I’ll never own a pair of skinny jeans and that the US government taxes waiters on what they may get, not what they actually get. Why is that my problem? 20% of our bill at last nights “posh fast food restaurant” was a tip. Who goes down the pub and leaves £30 tip for fish and chips? And yet if we don’t we’re the bad guys! “Was there a problem with the service?” Or “Was everything Ok? – only you’ve left a tip of just three hundred dollars when we were expecting a grand”.

Ok, rant over for the time being, let’s get back to yesterday. The weatherman said he could “smell rain”, and sure enough, it rained in the desert. At one point Nikki asked me for my shirt, as the temperature dropped quite dramatically and she got cold. I negotiated with her, and donated one sock. We took a bus, after breakfast with Paul, Laura, Andy and Gareth, to the Gold and Silver Pawn Shop, or as its better known, Rick Harrison’s Pawn Shop. When we said we were going there, someone questioned why we had come all the way to Vegas to go and view a series of vibrators and love presents, until we pointed out it was Pawn and not Porn. Although the neighbourhood that surrounds this place does indicate that it has quite an active lady of the night policy in place. Yep, it’s a bit rough….. Anyway, after what seemed like an eternity in the place, Nikki bought herself a present, and I bought nothing. I nearly did, but didn’t.

Back to the Strip on the bus, and after a little bit of sightseeing we stopped for a pavement side beer in Paris. Sounds surreal if you’ve not actually been here, but we sat underneath the Eiffel Tower, next to a promenade, where the variation in people walking past ranged from supermodels to filth ridden vagrants, who’s best friend is the dregs from a can of Coors, and who think it’s funny to have a sign around their neck that says, “Why lie – I need beer”. Actually that was quite funny…..

I’d bought a lovely shirt earlier, and had it nicely wrapped. I placed it under the table to keep it safe, and went to the bar and bought my lovely soon-to-be new Wife a cider, which unfortunately she didn’t want. Instead of politely declining it, she thought it best to empty the contents into the bag containing the shirt. Ok, there may be an exaggeration there, but quick as a flash, Doug (From yesterday) was over at our table asking if I could squeeze the shirt out into his cup. As I mopped up, we were surprised and joined by Andy (from Virgin and as mentioned on day one) who was moseying on by and saw us. You can mosey here, as were in cowboy country.

We had a laugh and I once again tried to show off with some of my magic tricks. Most failed, but it did give me an idea that I could start off a business hiring myself out to kids parties as “Shit Magician”. I turn up, do shitty tricks for an hour, and leave. The host would wonder what the hell had just happened…..job done.

Anyway, and this may not translate well, but I’m in the middle of doing a fail safe trick, the one where the ring defies gravity and moves up the elastic band, when out of nowhere a man appears by my side dressed in black and wearing a badge that says “Magic”. He takes the elastic band off me, and begins a routine that involves my wedding ring, a levitating room card, and some weird unholy shit that I still can’t explain. I think I may have been drugged too…..as quick as he arrived, he’d gone…..

Back to the room for a quick spruce up, and out again to celebrate Dave’s 50th birthday. This event is to be kicked off in the Mandarin hotel next door, in the exclusive 23rd floor sunset suite, but despite meticulous planning over months, which included a pre visit – visit prior to the visit, when we arrived we were told that the room Sarah had reserved in March 2004, had had to be reassigned in an emergency to 400 employees of an organisation that had showed up unannounced, and threatened to spend more money than us, and at $18 a drink, they probably would. Still, after Sarah placed a well positioned stiletto in the managers neck, we did get two complimentary bottles of champagne (at $215 a bottle).

Sarah and Dave went off to Gordon Ramsays restaurant for his birthday treat, and we went to Bubba Gumps restaurant. …hence the tip story at the start. Vegas is larger than life, and until you’ve been here no amount of explanation can really prepare you for when you get here…..it’s great, but there’s got to be more to it than money….surely?

Caesars Palace…”you probably get this a lot, but did Caesar actually live here?”