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Day 22 – Florida 2016

Yesterday’s blog was written in the afternoon, and so it reflected the previous two days, due to travel and being unable to write anything. Actually, just not having the opportunity. After I left you yesterday, I popped to the supermarket to get some essential supplies…beer, well, just beer really. The heavens, as only they can in Florida, opened. I shit ye not, in the two seconds it took me to run from the front door to the car, I got drenched. And being drenched in an air conditioned supermarket is not the most comfortable of situations.

On top of that, I was dealt a couple of comments yesterday, that made me question humans. I’ll set the scene. As you may remember my children bought me a lovely NYPD t shirt from New York, and I’ve been wearing it with pride. Firstly, as I’m walking through Macy’s, an employee walked past me and said, “oh no, NYPD, don’t shoot me!” And walked off. At first I thought imagine if I was that judgemental towards her, and questioned her colour, attitude and size without even knowing her, and for the first time in a long time, I thought ‘I’m not having that’. I went for her. But, despite her size and the massive red cardy she was sporting I lost her. As luck would have it, seconds later I turned a corner and there she was. Before I could say anything, Cissy (cuz I’m now that close I can see her name badge) said, “Are you a Police Officer, or you just wearin’ the shirt?”, and gave me one of those hands on hips looks like she wants confrontation. “I’ve just retired after 30 years service” I replied, not quite giving her the exact facts, you know, The Bronx – Stoke…..not sure there’s a comparison…. Officer Wykovski wouldn’t last 5 minutes in Stoke! Anyway, expecting a row, she continued, “God bless you Sir. I’m so proud of what you do, you’ve done real good doing 30 years, I love the Police and you have a difficult enough job without the idiots you deal with. You should be so proud, God bless you”. Well, I wasn’t expecting that….imagine if I was that judgemental….

Secondly isn’t that exciting. I was in Publix, looking for the aforementioned beer, when I happened across a family from the South speaking cockney, and staring longingly at the Strongbow on offer. They seemed to be in my way for ages, until I thought I’d be helpful. Big mistake. “You know, WalMart has beer at almost half the price of here…Publix is quite expensive”. I thought I’d make this comment due to the fact that their trolley was overflowing with Fosters and Carling, without a Bud in sight. Oh, and a box of Krispy Kremes. The matriarch of the family, a male in a vest, simply replied, “Whatever”. Glad I helped. As I approached the checkout, the cashier said to me, “I like your shirt, are you NYPD?” I said, “Actually I’ve just retired from the Police, but not NYPD”, she said, “Yep, I thought I detected an accent”. ?

Before I sign off on this short blog today, I’ll just let you know that despite being in a tropical climate, it’s been raining all night, and the web suggests that it’s hotter in Kidsgrove at the moment than here. It is only 7am here. I’ll also let you know that thanks to a complaint at Outback last year, and a series of emails, and confronting the manager on arrival, I managed to squeeze a $100 discount off our bill. And as we left, I’ll also mention that Jason put his car in drive, and thinking it was in reverse he drove over a flower bed and into a tree* (*may not have actually happened). and when we got back I was fleeced at cards by a child* (*actually happened).

One last thing, in the bar the other night, we saw a bloke wearing a t-shirt that bore the legend, “I’m two women short of a threesome”. When we told him how great his t-shirt was, it became apparent that he is actually one woman short of a relationship, and will stay that way for a long time looking like he does. As he introduced himself, it became even more apparent that his days as a singleton are secured. Jeremy Sausage. The end. (His name was actually Jeremy Weiner, (pronounced wee-ner) I just thought I’d translate it for you).

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