Final Days – Florida 2015

Last Day, week, month…..
Well, as most of you readers have guessed, I’m now back in the safety of home.
I’ve been asked why I don’t mention certain people, especially as I spend so much time around them. The fact is, that when I’m with them, only normal things happen, and they’re not really funny.

I will, however, dwell for a few moments on my American cousins, and on and off hosts for the last 20 years, Terry and Viv. ( I have to also say that Viv told me to write this, and I’ve seen what she gets like when Terry doesn’t do as he’s told, so I would be silly not to….an example of this was when we were boating up to St Augustine. As you Floridian sea going folk will know, the markers are red and green, and as long as you stay within them, your water channel should be deep, fine, and sailing should be plain. These markers are in the form of great big thick telegraph pole type logs, sticking out of the water with massive coloured triangles on them indicating, yes you’ve guessed it, red or green. These posts can be seen from space, some even play a tune and flash Lasers at you as you approach them just in case you are registered partially sighted.
As we approached one, with Terry at the helm, and Viv trying to remove the mobile phone, which had become attached to her left ear, concern raged amongst the crew.
The blood curdling cry echoed across the water. All wildlife stopped and glanced towards us. I could see Viv’s concern. Terry was not the captain he had claimed to be. He had literally steered us to within a quarter of a mile of one of the said posts, which, according to Viv is far too close for comfort. I don’t know about my comrades but I for one felt my life ebb away at one point…..

At St Augustine, we were in the very pleasant company of the delightful Dianne and Tim, or Timmy. Believe me, he’s not a Timmy. Timmy to us English, is a quaint, cute, cuddly sort of person, who should be running a library and keeping cats. The real Timmy, however, is a man in every sense of the word. Kills his own breakfast, brews his own beer, makes his own house, brushes his teeth with acid, and looks acceptable in a vest. I’d say he looks good in a vest, but that may push him over the edge with me….he already questions my clothes sense, saying it is slightly left of normal.

Anyway, without doubt, Diane and Timmy get the thumbs up from us. I asked Timmy if he could help we with a diary entry, an anecdote if you will. He’s been a Fire Fighter all his life, and is considered a hero. He did reply. He said…well, to be honest, he’d had a drink, and although he spoke to me for about ten minutes, I didn’t understand a word. I recorded it, played it back, and still can’t understand a word. I went on Google translate, and my computer blew up, because it didn’t understand. All I know is that a drink called a Crown cost $20, and he loves shrimp.

So make up your own story.

Marty and Scott are old friends. Young old friends that is…young because they are, and old because we’ve known them as long as Terry and Viv. We used to have great discussions about all things English and American, with the Atlantic being the middle ground. Now we just drink beer and go with the flow. We both retire next year, so we’re planning on drinking more beer and going on a bigger flow….

When we left New Smyrna Beach, we went to Kissimmee again, to utilise the free day at Universal, with free fast passes, followed by a free meal at the Outback restaurant.

Seems the Gods of free stuff hated me that day. We entered Universal, and the heavens opened, all rides closed, and we had to leave.

Then, when we went to the Outback, we were served by a complete arse and left after an hour before we didn’t eat our cold main course. The manger apologised. Again. Tinner right though. You complain and get given free stuff, only to have to complain again about the free stuff to get free stuff. When does it all end? This country…..

On a positive note, Nikki managed an all time record, by crying at the safety announcement on the United flight back home. You think I’m lying, but, as mentioned, it’s all true.

Nikki also mentioned that one of her favourite words was paraphernalia. Georgia said that she thought that meant ‘sleeping with dead people’. Again, true.

That’s it. One more holiday in Florida over, but the first for a couple of things. The first time we have never, ever, been up International Drive, and the first time I’ve flown transatlantic and not been to the toilet, not once. United were a good airline, seats were comfy, and they had wifi, but unless they fly direct to Florida, think I’ll climb on a Virgin next time.

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