Day 25 – Florida 2016

Remember the postcards you used to send home when you went on your yearly holiday to Rhyl for a week…Dear Nan and Grandad, weather is fine, went to the beach today and had a candy floss. Going to the fair later and having fish and chips. Wish you were here, love Glyn. Well, it’s a bit like that the last couple of days. Only I didn’t have a candy floss, and there’s no fair. But you get the idea.

Our lack of guests, or family, has resulted in just chilling and pretty much doing nothing, even though we are guests ourselves. So we are guests to our hosts, who have guests, but we have no guests for us or our guests to be hosts to, even though our guests have guests who have no guests we are still guests. I don’t even know what my name is anymore. What I do know is that when we go out we meet other people who seem to instantly become lifelong friends, buy you drinks and ask you where are you from. I’m sick of saying “Stoke” and “Cheshire” because no one west of England knows where these places are. When I told someone last night where I was from, a bloke in a bar said (seriously now), “I have a friend from England named Waterman, he lives in the Isle of White…would you know him?”. Even our host Viv, and she’ll probably throw us out for mentioning this, has trouble with her geography. When watching the live coverage of Muhammad Ali’s funeral, from Kentucky, I asked, “Is it hot in Kentucky this time of year?” To which she replied, “I think so, ’cause Kentucky is in California”. With that, how am I supposed to expect anyone to know where Scholar Green is?

Anyway, following the departure of the latest chapter in the diary, the King Family, things chilled to a point cooler that Elsa’s feet. By that I mean that there was a lot of slouching, watching tv and sleeping. Actually, that happened for about ten seconds. That jammy baaarstad Jason can go to The Wolf tonight for the quiz, and mow his laws, whereas I’ve got another day on a boat, drinking beer and eating BBQ food. Life just isn’t fair. But back to the schedule….

Terry had arranged a golf game with two other friends which I tagged onto. Terry is an early riser, and he’d booked a tee time for 8. 04am. Thanks ok, I thought, up at 7am, quick shower, coffee, on a ten minute drive. Oh no. We leave at six, breakfast on the way, off to the clubhouse for more coffee, and on the first tee whilst my eyes are still only partially open. I also agreed to play for money. Big mistake. Turns out golf and mornings and me don’t go. When Terry asked if we wanted a small wager, I should have noticed his donkey tied to the golf cart, his poncho and sombrero combo, and his Mexican accent, because I was well and truly hustled. His golf bag bearing the logo “Nick Faldo golf academy” should have been a giveaway too…..but I was asleep. The good thing, or bad, is that we were done in time to watch both the Wales game and the England game in the comfort of air conditioned luxury. I ended up in bed by ten, and slept for nearly six hours, which seems to be average on this holiday.

So, Family and friends, kids, Kings, and most people I know, (but not all), Going on a boat today, got sunburnt yesterday, having a BBQ tonight, wish you were here, love Glyn (or Glen depending on who you are) x.

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