Day 2 Florida 2018

By now, most of you know the characters that appear in the blog. I’m obviously the writer, trying to execute a different story everyday and convey the shear stupidity of some of the things that happen. Nikki is my Wife of hundreds of years, who provides me with loads of material to use. But there are others that help along the way…

Monday started early, thanks to the large grizzly bear that had taken up residence in the next room to us at The Florida Hotel. I don’t know if it’s the walls that were thin, or the fact that the bear had a heavy cold, but his snoring made the local news. We were up early due to that non jet lag thing, that, in stead of making you tired and sleepy, makes you get up wide awake at 4am. It doesn’t matter where you are in the world, whenever you wake up, you say to yourself, “Well, 4am. That’s 9am in England…wow, a lie in!”, or “6am? It’s still 10pm in China, no wonder I’m knackered”. The fact that in England, the jet lag counts against you means nothing in America…everywhere is open. At all hours…..If you fancy building some decking at 2am, just visit Al’s 24 Hour Decking Supply and Liquor Store, and if your chainsaw needs a service visit Crazy Franks Tool Repair – we will collect and deliver 24 hours. You get the idea. By the way, those examples weren’t Nikkisms, those companies actually exist in the central Florida area…..

Now that you’ve just returned, after Googling the above, I’ll continue. At 7.30am we found ourselves at an iHop, or International House of Pancakes, just a stones throw from the hotel. It doesn’t just do pancakes, it does other stuff too, with around 15 kinds of maple syrup to drown everything in, as if the coffee wasn’t enough to wake you up. Luckily, we had the two afore mentioned twins with us, Rafe and Joe, who pride themselves as a crispy bacon and raspberry maple tag team, and they tested most of the syrups, all together, at once, before giving their verdict in handprint form on the freshly cleaned windows. Our Columbian waiter, Shaquiri, didn’t look impressed, either with the windows, or with my question, “What about Hughes going then?”. To be fair, we were the only English speaking moderately dressed people on the place, everyone else was either a foreign construction worker, or there was a Village People tribute band audition in the iHop later that day.

By the way, I’m not purposely writing iHop, my iPad is auto correcting it. I think Apple are trying to corner the pancake market.

Onwards and upwards, following our breakfast, in which Shaq thought the English for poached eggs and sausage with no pancakes was all you can eat pancakes and bacon, we headed off for New Smyrna Beach, whilst full of sugar and E numbers, Christan and Rebecca took the boys to Disney.

When we arrived, greeted by our usual hosts Viv and Terry, we were assigned our usual suite, and settled for stories and photos, discussing the last five months since our last visit. When Nikki was showing Viv pictures of Joe and Rafe, and explaining that the twins have very different personalities, Viv asked, “Are they a similar age?”. She’s been around Nikki too long….

“We’re going to Blackbeard’s tonight…it’s just around the corner, and they do the best prime rib ever”. Well, that sounded very promising, especially as Viv’s sister Diane, and her husband Timmy will be there, as I know Timmy won’t eat anywhere that doesn’t do great food. (Disclaimer – at this point I’d like to make it clear that, although I’ve stated that Diane and Timmy are husband and wife, I’m not entirely sure anymore. They’ve had more break ups and reunions than The Beach Boys, and I’m pretty certain that even the Florida Board of Marriage Registrations isn’t sure of their current status).

The food was great, but it was marred slightly when we walked in, as Viv was leapt on by the manager for not paying her $500 dollar cheque (American for bill) on her last visit. She made some excuse about going to the bathroom and thought “the others had paid” but we all knew the truth….

It’s 5.30am, and I’m trying to be quiet. Whatever the term is for the opposite of jet lag, I’ve got it. Mind you, it’s half ten in England. Lie in!

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